1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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