I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
