you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
