omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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