I accidentally burped into my bong.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
