i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Everything about him screamed your future.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
