Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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