I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
