he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
