Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize