my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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