I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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