Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
