I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
