I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
