That's intense
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
