I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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