Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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