shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
