My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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