Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
