I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize