i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
