I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
