I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
