Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
