Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
