Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
