Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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