we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
