Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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