There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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