Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm both gender and math confused
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
