I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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