We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
