There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
