I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
