just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
