apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
