saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
