Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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