i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
