im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
