your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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