Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
