Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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