I faked an abortion last night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
