shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
