the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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