I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
