remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
