I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize