The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am naked and annoyed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
