There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize