i jhust puked up my retainher.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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