It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
