its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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