do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
