i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
