she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
