i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just gift wrapped bread.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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