I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
