I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
