You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
