Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My ass is underappreciated
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
