yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
