Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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