I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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