I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
