2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
