When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
